Friends who don't understand the stress of foster care - Adoption ...

This is mostly a vent, but I'm wondering if other foster parents have lost or given up friends because of their lack of compassion about what a foster parent deals with. I have/had a good friend who has two girls around my two bio kids ages and had a baby 2 years ago. At the time, my husband and I were in PRIDE training. My friend was having a hard time juggling everything and the baby was not a good sleeper, so I took her two older kids often to play with my kids and give her a break. Now, 2 years later she is still calling and asking me to take her 2 older girls. I have 2 foster kids and 2 bio kids. My foster kids are going through some stuff right now with visitation, so they are having nightmares, acting out, having more therapist visits and more CASA visits. I have been declining to take her girls for the last 6 months or so. She has never offered to take any of my kids when I have foster kids, only when it's just my bios. I am tired of hearing about how little sleep she gets, how hard her life is, etc. She has invited my kids over for playdates, but she asks me to stay "in case of any issues" and asks me to bring a snack for mine, since 4 kids are too many for her to provide snack. Yet her girls have eaten full meals and snacks at my house several times.

Today this "friend" called me 4 times (2 on my home phone, 2 on my cell) while I was on the phone with the social worker. When I listened to the messages -- she wanted to borrow my ice cream maker. She had already emailed and texted me yesterday with the same request. I just haven't had time to get back to her. I don't know where my ice cream maker is. It's not at the top of my priority list right now. I have to get a kid to the dr and email back to a therapist about last night's nightmares. Oh and I have to go by the school for a meeting with the school social worker. Yeah. Her sudden need for homemade ice cream is not that important to me.

This same "friend" is often going out of town, so she expects me to drop everything to hang with her or let her kids have playdates with mine (at my house with my groceries) when she's available. She got upset last summer that I declined an invitation for our family to go camping with hers (I wasn't sure my fosters kids who had previously lived in a car would appreciate camping).

Has anyone else had a "friend" who was fine before you became a foster parent but then is just too demanding, needy and self-centered when you're so taxed? I honestly don't know what to say to her anymore. I want to just tell her to leave me alone, but don't know how to do it without her running around to all of our mutual friends complaining about me. She was one of my references when I got licensed, so if we end up going to adoption I don't know if she'll be contacted again for another reference.

Source: http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/409124-friends-who-dont-understand-stress-foster-care.html

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